My experience with Family Readiness Group (FRG)

I hope this post isn't too boring. I don't think it will be.

So, Family Readiness Group (FRG)... or as my husband likes to say "Families Ruined by Gossip." I'll tell you a little about my experience with FRG,  but first a little about how I see the world. :)

Okay, I'm an idealist. I see *potential.* I see possibilities. If there is the potential for something to be
awesome and great, I definitely see it. Trust me, I do. I'm a fantastic visionary.

With FRG the possibilities are definitely there. It has the potential to be a really great organization. With the right FRG leaders and the right volunteers, it could be awesome.

The (long ago) past:

When I met my husband I was a wet-behind-the-ears girl. I was in college, I was in love. And I was a girlfriend. A military girlfriend. My husband was deployed when I met him, so let me tell you what this means to military girlfriends. It means we don't get any information. It means we don't get any rights. It means we don't get any phone calls telling us when our deployed military loved one is coming home.

Even if he asks for his FRG to disseminate this information to his girlfriend, she won't get any. If he signs a waiver stating that she can receive information about his movements, she won't get any. 

Fast-forward a few years.

We've moved to another station (I'm still a fucking girlfriend). I was invited to the battalion (BN) Executive
Officer's (XO's) house by the BN XO's wife where she was having a FRG mixer. She was a wonderful lady, very nice and sweet. There were military spouses there. That's right. Spouses. This is the key word here. One of the spouses asked me "So, how long have you and your husband been married?" I said "Oh, we're
not married yet. But we've been through a deployment together and we've been together for 3 years." At that point no one wanted to talk to me. I didn't know what had just happened, but they all clammed up. Later, as things were winding down,  they made it very, very clear that they were not interested in speaking to me again. One of them said "We all host FRG events at our houses on base. When I host the next one at my house I'll have everyone bring pictures of their wedding day and we can talk about it together." Then she looked at me. "Well, you can bring a picture of your boyfriend and you or something." *giggle*

Bitch.

And it was then that I knew why I wasn't being accepted by these women. They were all in the "Military Wives" club and I was not a member to this oh-so-exclusive club.

So, I sized them up really easily after that. They were a bunch of petty, holier-than-thou women who had no self-worth. They had so little self-worth that they had to ride the coat-tails of their husbands for their self-annointed importance. "I'm a Military Wife. Toughest Job in the Military." or "My husband's a First Sergeant. What's your husband's rank?" 

Fast forward a few more years:

My *HUSBAND* (yep, that's right, after 5 years and TWO year-long deployments as his girlfriend he decided to marry me) got a command. I was asked if I wanted to be the FRG leader. I say yes. My, my how the tables have turned! Given my less-than-stellar experience with my husband's previous two FRGs, I take this one on. Like I said, I'm an idealist. Well, my husband's new command doesn't have an existing FRG structure. The exiting commander didn't take the time to nurture and grow it, and there's nothing there. So, we built it from scratch! We got a treasurer, and events coordinator, key callers to disseminate information to the spouses, a newsletter editor (that's right, we created a newsletter!), the works! I was soooo on top of my game. It was amazing. I was a great FRG leader. No need for modesty here. I think I was pretty good. I included everyone. Girlfriends and boyfriends, fiancees and fiances, wives and husbands.

And I thought to myself *THIS* is how a FRG should be run.

The FRG was my husband's legacy. After he left command, the FRG continued on, built on itself, became more involved. This was something to be proud of.

The lesson here is that the FRG is a mixed bag. You're gonna have your douchebags and your bitches. You're gonna have your awesomely organized FRGs. It really just depends.

I should mention that the FRG is an all-volunteer organization. The military does NOT pay ANYONE to do any of the work involved in making a FRG great. If you have a gripe about the FRG, don't just sit on your ass and complain. At that point you're only part of the problem.

GET INVOLVED. Or as Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world."